Most people have things they don’t feel particularly good about. You might dislike the way you look in photos, feel nervous about speaking at work, or wish you were better at handling certain situations.
That isn’t necessarily low self esteem.
What matters is how you make sense of those experiences. You might make a mistake and move on, or spend the rest of the day thinking, “I’m useless.” A relationship can end and leave you hurt without making you believe that nobody will ever want you. Even criticism can be worth considering without making you think you’re a bad person.
Over time, these thoughts affect much more than your mood. You may hold back from opportunities, struggle to accept kindness from others, avoid situations where you could be judged, or find yourself constantly trying to prove that you’re good enough.
When this pattern becomes familiar, it can be difficult to know where low self esteem ends and self-doubt begins. Understanding the signs, possible causes, and ways to address it can help clarify that distinction.
What Is Self Esteem?
Self-esteem is the value you place on yourself and the way you generally think about who you are. It isn’t the same as being confident or liking everything about yourself. Someone with reasonably healthy self esteem can still feel embarrassed, fail at something, or have a day when they don’t feel particularly good about themselves.
The difference is that one difficult experience doesn’t completely define them. With low self-esteem, negative conclusions can become much broader.
Low self esteem is a pattern of negative self-talk and difficulty recognising your positive qualities. It can affect relationships, work, and study.
What Does Low Self-Esteem Feel Like?
It doesn’t always feel like sadness. Sometimes it is more like a constant background doubt. You may doubt if people like you, believe you have made a bad impression, feel uncomfortable when someone compliments you, or believe that others deserve good things and you don’t.
If these thoughts sound familiar, it doesn’t automatically mean you have low self-esteem. What matters is how often they occur and whether they begin to influence your behaviour.
Signs of Low Self Esteem
You may notice some of the following:
- Frequently criticising yourself
- Dwelling on mistakes
- Overlooking things you have done well
- Finding compliments uncomfortable or difficult to believe
- Comparing yourself with other people
- Worrying about being judged
- Avoiding challenges because you expect to fail
- Needing reassurance before making decisions
- Struggling to say no
- Feeling guilty when you put your own needs first
- Setting standards that are difficult or impossible to meet
- Taking criticism as a judgment about who you are
Self-Esteem Vs Self-Confidence Vs Self-Worth
It can help to separate these three ideas.
- Self-esteem is your general view of yourself.
- Self-confidence is more situational. You can be very confident in one thing and still feel uncertain about many other things.
- Self-worth is your belief that you are of value regardless of any external factors.
Causes of Low Self Esteem
There isn’t always one clear cause. Childhood experiences, relationships, stressful life events, and repeated comparison can all shape how you see yourself.
Childhood Experiences Can Matter
How a child is spoken to and treated by their caregivers can result in how they view themselves. Children who are subjected to bullying, criticism, neglect, or unrealistic expectations, or who are made to feel as if they are not good enough, can all have long-term effects. Being taught that making mistakes is absolutely unacceptable can also have a long-term impact.
Relationships Can Change the Way You See Yourself
If you are in a relationship where you face constant criticism or control, or have your judgment undermined, your self esteem can also be affected. This can occur in a family relationship, a friendship, or a work relationship.
Difficult Periods Can Leave a Mark
Losing a job, going through a breakup, experiencing financial difficulties, and other difficult events can make a person feel unstable and affect their self-confidence, but it usually takes a series of such events for a person to believe they have low self-esteem.
Comparison Can Keep the Cycle Going
You can’t fairly assess your own life when you compare it to others. You see the highlights of other people’s lives. You see their promotions and vacations, but only the polished version of their life. Meanwhile, you focus on the negative in your life.
Recognising this can be useful. Try to avoid situations that make you feel inadequate.
Effects of Low Self-Esteem
Low self esteem affects almost everything in your life, including who you interact with and what you do. It can lead you to:
- Turn down opportunities because you assume someone else will do better
- Stay quiet in meetings or social situations because you don’t trust your ideas
- Avoid dating or new relationships because rejection feels particularly difficult
- Have difficulty setting limits or saying no
- Avoid activities where you believe you will fail or be criticised or judged
- Work excessively hard or set very high standards because mistakes feel unacceptable
- Lose interest in activities that you once found interesting
Low Self-Esteem and Mental Health
Low self-esteem can also occur alongside anxiety and depression. The relationship isn’t one-way. Difficulties with mental health drive negative beliefs about the self, and having negative beliefs about oneself makes symptoms of mental ill-health difficult to manage.
This is relevant in Australia, particularly for younger people. AIHW data shows that 38.8% of Australians aged 16–24 experienced a mental disorder in the previous 12 months during 2020–2022.
More recent research by headspace supports this. Their 2025 National Youth Mental Health Survey reported that 49% of young Australians reported either high or very high levels of psychological distress.
A different meta-analysis of longitudinal studies reported similar results. Of the 77 studies on depression and 18 studies on anxiety, lower self esteem was found to increase the risk of developing depression, and the relationship between self-esteem and anxiety was inverse.
This does not mean that having low self esteem automatically leads to depression or an anxiety disorder. Self esteem is one factor among many, and a person’s circumstances, experiences, and other mental health factors influence the relationship.
ADHD and Low Self-Esteem
For some people with ADHD, low self-esteem can develop after years of being misunderstood or criticised. Being called careless for forgetting things, lazy for struggling to finish tasks, or told that you’re simply not trying hard enough can gradually affect how you see yourself.
Even after learning that ADHD may have contributed to difficulties with attention, organisation or impulse control, it doesn’t automatically undo the impact of years of negative comments and criticism.
In a qualitative study of 162 adults with ADHD or high ADHD traits, participants described being criticised for difficulties such as forgetfulness and impulsive behaviour. They also reported that criticism could affect their self-worth and wellbeing.
Repeated difficulties at school, work or in relationships may leave a person feeling as though they are constantly falling short, particularly if they have spent years comparing themselves with people who seem to find these things easier.
ADHD and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)
You may also come across the term Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) when reading about ADHD. RSD is commonly used to describe an intense emotional response to perceived or actual rejection or criticism. RSD is not a valid clinical diagnosis, and research on the subject remains limited.
A 2026 qualitative study explored the lived experiences of rejection sensitivity in people with ADHD. The participants described strong reactions to perceived rejection or criticism, including anxiety, embarrassment, distress and a tendency to withdraw from others. The researchers also highlighted the need for more research in this area.
If you relate to what has been discussed and have not been able to address the issues in your life related to ADHD, it may be beneficial to speak with a mental health professional to see if there are other underlying causes for your symptoms.
How Can I Improve My Self-Esteem?
Improving self-esteem takes time, but small changes in the way you think and treat yourself can help. You can start by:
- Challenge negative thoughts: when you are being overly critical, ask yourself if it is a fact or a thought.
- Remember your strengths: make a note of your strengths, the things you have achieved, and your qualities and abilities.
- Take note of your successes: acknowledge any improvement, no matter how small.
- Treat yourself with kindness: see if you can treat yourself as you would want to be treated.
- Learn from your errors: everybody makes them. An error is not a sign of failure or incompetence.
- Don’t make unfair comparisons: you are usually comparing your normal life with their highlights.
- Spend time with people in a supportive way – healthy relationships can make you feel accepted and valued.
- Activities that provide you with a sense of pleasure, purpose, or achievement can support your well-being by helping you engage in activities you enjoy.
How Can I Improve My Child's Self-Esteem?
Children may not always say that they are struggling with self-esteem. They may be very hard on themselves, give up easily when activities are challenging, avoid activities for fear of failure, and worry about what other children think.
To help a child’s self-esteem, Parents and carers can:
- Reward effort as well as success: Help your child understand that it is important to try, practise, and improve.
- Foster their interests: Allow them to enjoy what they are interested in or good at.
- Let them figure out how to solve age-appropriate problems; let them make decisions and encourage them to ask for help
- Support them in processing challenging emotions: Remind them that they are human and that it’s okay to make mistakes, feel disappointed, or struggle with something.
- Give them a sense of belonging: positive relationships with family, friends, and others who support them can help children feel accepted.
- Show positive behaviour: Remind your child that you love them for who they are, and not what they do.
If your children are prone to negative self-talk, ask whether they are judging themselves fairly, and remind them of positive behaviours.
Where to Find Help for Low Self-Esteem
The following is a list of resources to help you find help for low self esteem.
If you have built up negative beliefs and patterns over time, speaking with a mental health professional will allow you to get a better understanding of these. In therapy with a psychologist, you can address self-criticism, perfectionism, people-pleasing, relationships or avoidance.
One type of therapy you can use is called cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). It focuses on the relationship among thoughts, feelings, and behaviours, and can help you identify and challenge negative patterns.
Psychologist or Psychiatrist: Who Should You See?
A Psychologist can administer psychological tests to you and offer you psychological therapy, and a Psychiatrist can diagnose you and give you therapies, including medication.
It is possible that both a psychologist and a psychiatrist will be helpful for you, especially if low self-esteem is co-occurring with depression, anxiety, or ADHD. Your General Practitioner (GP) may also be able to provide an initial assessment to determine what kind of support would be helpful to you.
Depending on the service and your circumstances, you may also be able to access appointments with psychologists and psychiatrists through telehealth.
When Should You Seek Help?
You don’t need to wait until your self-esteem is at its lowest before asking for help. Consider speaking with a GP or mental health professional if negative beliefs about yourself are affecting your relationships, work, studies, or everyday life.
You should consider reaching out for help if you have low self esteem and:
- Persistent sadness or low mood
- Feelings of worthlessness or hopelessness
- Anxiety or excessive worry
- Lost interest in previously enjoyed activities
- Avoids social interactions; has started to avoid social interactions
- Having trouble fulfilling your responsibilities at work, school, or at home
If you’d like to speak with a mental health professional, ExpertMinds’ psychology and psychiatry services are available across Australia, including telehealth appointments.
Frequently asked questions
How do I know if I have low self-esteem?
Look for patterns rather than one difficult day. Regular self-criticism, comparison, difficulty accepting compliments, fear of failure, people-pleasing, and relying heavily on reassurance can all be signs. A professional can help you understand what may be behind these experiences.
What causes low self esteem?
There is not always one cause. It could result from childhood events, bullying, criticism, poor relationships, stressful life situations, social comparisons, and repeated failures.
What’s the difference between low self-esteem and depression?
Low self-esteem primarily relates to how you perceive your own worth. Depression is a common mental health disorder that may involve sadness or a lack of interest, low energy, alterations in appetite and sleep, and a sense of unworthiness.
Can CBT help with low self esteem?
Yes. CBT can help identify unhelpful thinking patterns and behaviours and develop more balanced ways of responding. A psychologist can discuss whether it suits your situation.
Can ADHD affect self esteem?
For some people, it does. Years of criticism because of repeated problems with attention, organisation, or task completion can affect a person’s self-perception. In addition, there is research interest regarding rejection sensitivity in conjunction with ADHD.
Conclusion
Low self-esteem can become so familiar that you stop noticing how often you put yourself down or second-guess your decisions.
Changing that pattern takes time. It can start with something as simple as noticing the difference between “I made a mistake” and “I’m a failure.” Those two statements may feel similar at the moment, but they tell very different stories about who you are.
If that negative story has been around for a long time or is getting in the way of your life, you don’t have to work it out by yourself. A GP, psychologist, or psychiatrist can help you understand what is happening and what support might be available.
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